Monday, August 24, 2009

Zombie Midgets Part 2

God damn Midgets. Zombie Midgets at that. Just when you think zombies would be ridiculous enough, but they had to infect midgets? I couldn't get that out of my head. I turned on the tv. The news channels are starting to report that the midget zombies are everywhere. Come to find out they had a " Little Peoples" convention at the Javits Center. Great. Who would have thought that there would be 10,000 midgets in one place. This sucks. I am fortified in my house, I have tons of supplies, and stock piled on weapons. But I am going to need help. The only other guy that I know of that is even more prepared then me is Mikey M. Veteran of the mid east wars, was a sergeant for the army. He is the one who showed me how to prepare for this. I knew some basic hand to hand combat techniques but he helped me polish them. He also is the one who trained me on how to use all my guns, strip them and clean them. We actually fortified my house together. We took my plastic fence, dug a 2 foot deep trench and laid a steel reinforced concrete fence that's 8 feet high all around my house. The only way in is the front gate which is a 6 inch thick sliding gate. I have enough room in my yard for 3 vehicles. Right now I have my 69 camaro and my 2003 blazer in it. I go online. Its good that the power and cable is still working. Maybe the switches and the equipment in too high for the zombies to reach them. Bad joke. I really know its because the systems are automated. They'll run for weeks without anyone having to deal with them. I see mikey is online.
"Mikey, did you see any of those little fuckers?"

" I couldn't believe my eyes KB. Midget Zombies.Really? I mean little fucking ankle biters. I was parking my pickup and I was flirting with this hot new neighbor of mine..She was wearing this really tight lycra workout sui.."

"Mikey. FOCUS!!!"

" Oh, Sorry KB. Yeah well anyway I'm talking to her and the next thing I know she gets pulled down on the the ground screaming. I see these 5 midgets starting to rip her apart. I couldn't do anything to help her. The good thing is she went quick though."

" What did you do then?"

"Well, those gollum rejects looked up at me like I was their precious and I high tailed it up to my place so i could get my weapons and supplies."

" Mikey. You think you can get over here? I got enough supplies to last us for at least 10 months to a year. I had to put down 3 of them in my yard earlier.The only reason I found them is because I tripped over them. Let me know when your a block away. If you can circle the block first to let me know if you see any of them around the house."

"You got it KB. See you in 20 mins."

45 mins later still no Mikey. Can't get him on the the C.B. Radio that he has in his pickup. I hope he's OK.

The radio crackled."KB its me. Listen I circled there is one of them tracking me. I'm going to try to lead him away from the gate and around the corner. slide your gate open and I ll drive in."

"Ok, Mikey. I am by the gate."

" Open it. I think I lost him."

I slide the gate open as fast as I can. I see Mikey haul ass into the yard. I slide the gate quick as I can back so I can lock it. The clank of the latch on the door made me feel so much more secure. That was until i heard the groan. Dressed in a black t shirt that says security on the front. His neck was torn up from a bite mark. He kind of resembled a squashed down version of Hugh Jackman. He even had the lame ass wolverine side burns. He started towards me. I was standing up this time ready for mini- Jackman not like the last three midget zombies. As he got closer to me, at about an arms length away, I did something I always wanted to do with the height challenged. I put my arm straight out to my hand reached the top of huge head. I held him out at arms length while his gnashed his teeth and swung his little t-rex size arms trying to get me. I was starting to laugh. If I started laughing any harder I would let go and the little guy would bite me.

" Mikey, can you take care of Lil wolvie for me?"

" No problem. Kick him away KB."

I kicked him into the middle of the yard and Mike swung into him with the swiftness of a ninja and used a katana blade to slice his head clean off of his neck.

"Thanks Mikey. I couldn't help myself"

"It's OK. I can't believe I just save you from a bobble head doll."

We both started laughing our asses off again. This time I know it for a fact. I was laughing because it was funny.

Part 3....coming soon....

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